LEWIS COLLARD, DOT COM

"You, sir, are an arrogant jerk and should leave your judgmental attitude out of reviews if you want to be taken seriously." -- Kat

"Keep up the informationless, opinionated drivel, it keeps you off the street corner soapboxes." -- Simon Allen

"His articles are like a less-articulate K*Rock that uses rage faces & memes to communicate bad opinions." -- red19fire

My work explores the relationship between gender politics and emotional memories. With influences as diverse as Camus and John Cage, new combinations are created from both explicit and implicit meanings.

Ever since I was a student I have been fascinated by the ephemeral nature of the human condition. What starts out as hope soon becomes debased into a hegemony of power, leaving only a sense of chaos and the inevitability of a new beginning.

As spatial impressions become transformed through boundaried and critical practice, the viewer is left with a glimpse of the edges of our future.

loljk, I'm just a guy from Norfolk who takes photographs and owns too many cameras. But this arty bollocks generator is awesome. :D

I'm on Twitter if you want to follow my latest antics there. :)


New things!

Saturday, 13th December, 2014

Announcing: Horsepower, a motorsports gallery by me. If you wondered what I've been doing photography-wise since April, here it is!

Sunday, 6th April, 2014

Hey, I'm now on Tumblr where I will be posting stuff that doesn't go into my gallery, mostly drift racing stuff.

I've also been on Google+ for a while (which is much of the same stuff). Come say hi!

Sunday, 23rd March, 2014

New article: the Nikon 80-200mm f/2.8 AF-D. A bargain as far as f/2.8 telephotos go, but for DX cameras with subjects that stay still, use the 55-200mm VR at a seventh of the price bought new.

Friday, 7th March, 2014

Time for a couple of recommendations.

So, I made the mistake of changing lenses while shooting drift racing, and my Nikon D2Hs's sensor got pretty filthy. What I learned, is that if you live any substantial distance north of London, it is very, very hard to find a place that will clean your digital SLR's sensor. After a lot of digging, for someone that works a sensible distance from me (I know what couriers are like, so I refuse to post it), I found a guy that does.

Please check out The Sensor Clean Service. He is in Birmingham, and he did a beautiful job of cleaning my sensor. He's not especially expensive, either; it's £35 regardless of the size of your sensor. Better yet, he "took the liberty" (in his words) of cleaning months worth of drift racing dust off my camera. The D2Hs came back so clean on the outside that I had to fight back tears when I saw it!

I am paid nothing to say this, and won't be paid a penny if you get your sensor cleaned by him; I paid full price. This is a sincere recommendation from one photographer to the rest of you.

My second recommendation is for you all to check out Esther Turner. I saw her busking in Birmingham after I picked up my camera and she has a lovely voice.

Esther Turner

Hey, can you believe that this was shot with the ancient D2Hs at ISO 1400? Yup, it still looks fantastic at any non-pushed ISO!

Friday, 21st February, 2014

New article: The Nikon bargain digital SLR deathmatch! D2H vs D200 vs D70 vs D1!

Sunday 9th February, 2014

New in the gallery: 99 problems but a drift ain't one. The D2Hs is still superb!

Saturday 8th February, 2014

Today I found out that "died in a photography accident" returns no results on Google. It does now!

Hey Lewis, don't do that to us, where are your super camera reviews? said like one person. Teaser:

Nikon F5

Oh yes. The Nikon F5 is unbelievable. It is as easy to use as a digital camera and as fast as a D2Hs. It is truly beyond comparison with any film camera I have ever used, and probably ever made. Wow.

Review coming. (I have a couple of digital articles in the queue as well, which might be done first.)

Friday 20th December, 2013

New article: Yongnuo RF-600TX and RF-602RX radio flash triggers. They're cheap!

New gallery: Vehicles. Only a small one (but it will grow!). Some old, some new. :)

Friday, 25th October, 2013

New article: the Nikon D2Hs.

Friday 13th September, 2013; or, DON'T BURN OUT KIDS, IT'S NOT GOOD FOR YOU

Oh hello. I'm back!

Me, D2Hs, Norfolk Arena

The weird rant I had about quitting, well, sorry about that (and thanks to the people who registered their concern with me). As Vinay Gupta told me: If you burn out, just do something else until you feel better. That's what I did! I took a few weeks away from it, I'm shooting again, and if you use the number-of-shots-taken metric I've shot more in the last week than I did in the whole year up until my burn-out. Which is nice!

Also, I've been shooting this:

Nikon D2Hs with 50mm f/1.8D

Stay tuned!

(Yeah, the weird rant has gone. Sorry about that. The original is out there if you want it badly enough. The offer to download and copy everything here remains and is irrevocable.)

Thursday, 1st August, 2013

You can now download everything I've written or taken for free thanks to archive.org:

As my non-copyright notice says: Anyone caught copying any of my photographs or text will be considered a mighty good friend of mine. Which is to say, please go ahead and copy all my stuff, and use it in any way you see fit. No, you don't have to ask permission to paste one of my articles into your blog, set one of my pictures as your wallpaper, use a photo in your school report, or do anything else with any of my stuff. I'd love to hear about any great things you do with my pictures, though.

Friday, 15th March, 2013

New article: M42 compatibility with digital camera systems.

Monday, 4th March, 2013

New article: the Pentacon 50mm f/1.8. I've been using it on-and-off for half a decade, so this is a little overdue!

I'm experimenting with the star-ratings at the top of that one. The downside of the fact that I ramble too much is that if you're just skimming what I read, it's hard to tell what I actually think about something without reading me carefully. I figured I could either 1) not be so boring, or 2) put a brief summary at the top for people who are in a rush. I did #2!

Meanwhile, I'm slowly (very slowly) upgrading the pictures on my various review pages to 800-pixels-wide, up from 500 when I first started doing this site. 500 just isn't big enough for modern screens. It's a slow process because sometimes I have to track down the original photographs on my drive, when they're not photographs from my gallery. I keep all the originals, of course, but with tens of thousands of them they're often not easy to find.

Sunday, 17th February, 2013: Prettier, Pumps, Posterous

New look: I've refreshed the look of this site a little (I'm still sticking with minimalism here). Among other things, it should look much better on mobile devices. Let me know if anything looks really weird in your browser. (But clear your cache and refresh first!)

New in the gallery: Pumps, II.

New at wikiHow: How to Test a Used Film Camera. (This is actually a couple of months old; I'd just forgotten to link it here when I finished it.)

A couple of readers gave me corrections for manufacturing dates I had in a couple of articles (the Nissin 360 TW and Nikon Series E 70-210mm f/4). I love my readers!

Posterous is closing, so I've gotta move what little of value I had on my old Posterous blog to here. You'll probably get at least one article out of that shortly. But there's something bigger at work here:

If you care about something, host it on a domain you own and hosting you pay for.

I'm not going to join in with the chorus of "ha ha you get what you pay for and you should have made geographically redundant backups of all your stuff on at least two different kinds of physical media and oh God why is Lewis punching me in the face" nerd-outs. Nope, I'd only do that if websites weren't implicitly urging you to trust them with all of your stuff. But they do. Show me where Fotopic (wow, they suck) said "we're so incompetent that we literally can't build a business model around people giving us money, so don't let us be your only copy!". Show me where Posterous said "host your stuff with us - we're here at least until we're acquired by another company for our talent!". Then you would have a point. Until then, they are not the good guys.

I'm glad I figured all of this out a while back, long before the acquisition and consequent death of Posterous. The senseless murdering of Geocities (on which I did not have a site) brought that home to me. Jason Scott, who downloaded Geocities, was a big factor in that as well. (Warning: you can easily get lost in his archives over there. He's a great writer; he's controversial, passionate, and could easily have a career in teaching the effective and hilarious use of profanity if digital archiving didn't work out. You'd be right to see some of his style in my own; it's not because he's ever read me. He and his merry band are downloading Posterous, by the way.)

Here's the thing: The degree to which a company gives a damn about you is determined by whether 1) you are giving them money and 2) you can quickly and easily move all your stuff somewhere else. But more than that, you are a free person, in the sense of not being at the mercy of others, to the same degree as the latter is true.

See, eventually a site is either going to make money, get acquired (like Posterous), or go bust. And if it's a choice between "not punching users" and "making money", you are going to get punched at some point. Like when photographers expended lots of time and effort to build up substantial followings on Facebook, and then Facebook decided that if they wanted their followers to see updates they had explicitly signed up for, that the photographers would have to pay. That was awesome. And by "that was awesome" I mean "don't be that guy".

This, by the way, is why my site is actually a bunch of static HTML files. See, I like my web host plenty, and I don't see them going away any time soon. But if they did decide that "punching users" was a good addition to their business model of "give people disk space and bandwidth in exchange for money", I am literally a card payment and an rsync command away from hosting all of this with someone else. Having to dump and restore databases and deal with subtle hosting incompatibilities would make that job a lot harder. I'd still switch given enough punches, but if it wasn't convenient for me to host my site somewhere else, that threshold would be a lot, lot more punchy.

One more thing: don't be an early adopter. You'll be counting on that platform being the one that wins. The odds are usually against you by definition. Posterous ended up as Tumblr food, but remember that the opposite outcome was entirely as plausible in 2008 or 2009.

Be careful out there.

Tuesday, 8th January, 2013

Nikon D70 with 50mm f/1.8D
Nikon D70 with Nikon 50mm f/1.8D (see also: better product photography for free).

The couple of digital-related articles I promised I'd finish up: the Nikon D70 and Nikon 55-200mm VR. I like them both very much.

Now to get used to writing "2013" on forms!

Monday, 31st December, 2012

Almost the end of the year, so I'd like to float a few things about the direction of this site for next year.

I shall be updating much more, if not more often. 2012 has been a crazy, crazy year for me. I'm not even sorry about that, but one of the casualties of has been my site, which I don't update as often as people would like. I'll work on that.

I won't be covering much digital stuff, mostly because everywhere else does this much better than me, even when it comes to really old stuff that nobody cares about, like the D1. I've got a couple more digital pieces mostly written up, which will be here soon, but really, anything I write about digital won't add much to the discussion.

(Although, inexplicably, my piece on the Samsung Galaxy S II camera phone is by a very large margin the most popular thing on my site. If I get my hands on an S III I'll let you know. I'd at least like to see if they've fixed the white balance problem.)

There will be a lot more film stuff. Film still isn't dead! But there is a shortage of objective reviews of film camera lenses. By "film camera lenses", I mean lenses for camera systems that died off before the end of the 35mm era and thus never made it onto digital cameras. I'm thinking Canon FD and M42 screw-mount, both of which I have by the boatload.

Have a prosperous 2013!

Thursday, 8th November, 2012

Oh hi. I met Tashya, who is both absurdly photogenic and a very nice person. Do go follow her on Twitter.

Tashya
Tashya. Nikon D70, Nikon 55-200mm VR at 200mm and f/5.6, ISO 500 and 1/60.

Friday, 28th September, 2012

With the kind permission of Nick Youngman, there are now two more rare photographs of South Lynn's railways on my little tribute page to them. They are here and here. Thanks Nick!

Tuesday, 25th September, 2012

Hey, let's punch Lytro in the face some more!

I've seen some real-world samples from the Lytro. The guys at Lytro must be fans of my website, because all the pictures I've seen seem to have been carefully picked to prove all my scepticism correct. (Just kidding, they actually blocked me on Twitter. Ha!)

So here's some new material in that article: Real-world quality (spoiler alert: dreadful) and things that you can buy for the same money that are not the Lytro.

Monday, 10th September, 2012

I'm interviewed by Viktor Fejes! I'm always surprised when people take me seriously enough to ask for my opinions, especially real photographers like Viktor. But there it is!

Dalibor Jankov sent me some shots from one of his cameras and the behaviour he had right before his sensor died was exactly like the behaviour I have been getting from my D1, including brief periods of working normally. So yup, it looks like my D1's sensor really is on the way out. Bummer.

Update: An alternative explanation comes from reader Gerhard Reininger, who suspects a battery problem. It's a possibility; I didn't even think to check the voltage coming from the battery when it happened, and the PowerSmart battery is nearly new. We'll see; I put plenty of miles on my cameras so if it's going to happen again it'll be quite soon. If it does turn out to be the battery that'll give me the motivation to build a 18650-celled pack for it.

Thanks guys!

Sunday, 9th September, 2012: The plot thickens, or, a meta-"WTF"

Here's what my D1 was doing by the end of yesterday:

D1 wtf #2

Well. I fired up my D1 this morning to see what would happen. The first shot I took looked a little bit like the shot above, except the black-with-fuzzy-purple-stripe only covered about a quarter of the image, at the top, and the rest was normal. The next shot I took did not have this; it looked just fine. And now, it's back to normal:

D1 wtf #2

I initially suspected overheating (this started on a hot day, and I'm sure it gets real toasty in a black, weather-sealed camera in hot weather), but I've shot it for longer on much hotter days than yesterday. Reader Dalibor Jankov wrote in shortly before this update and he thinks that sensor is dead. He's at least partly right (if it's not dead, it's definitely smelling funny). I'm just at a loss to explain why it would do this one day and not the next.

Hmm.

Meanwhile, a quickie over at wikiHow: How to Use Old Digital Cameras.

Saturday, 8th September, 2012: A Nikon D1 "WTF"

So today, my D1 started doing this:

Nikon D1 WTF

It gets weirder if you look at it full-size. I'm stumped; did I just kill another Nikon?

I'd be grateful for any clues as to what happened. Here's some stuff you might need to know:

Any clues, my lovely readers?

Wednesday, 5th September, 2012

Hey, since I'm shooting one old crappy digital camera, I figured now would be a good time to make it two. Behold, the triumphant (but temporary) return of the Canon EOS D30!

Headstones
Headstones. Canon EOS D30, Canon EF 28-80mm f/3.5-5.6 USM IV at 28mm and f/5, 1/80 at ISO 100

Huzzah!

Tuesday, 4th September, 2012

New in the gallery:

Caidoz, V
Caidoz, V. Nikon D1, Nikon 55-200mm VR at f/5.6 and 116mm, 1/80 at ISO 200, Nissin 360 TW flash at 1/16 power, raw file processed with Darktable.

What amazes me about shooting the beyond-ancient D1 is how little I miss compared to newer, far far better cameras, and how I've gotten used to its technical limitations. So it has awful colour. So does a Leica M9; shoot the damn thing in raw and quit whining. It has horrendous problems with highlights. So fix your lighting. The D-TTL flash system sucks. Then shoot a manual flash gun like a real man[1]. It takes roughly six days to write an NEF file to the card. Then shoot carefully. Of course I'm going to use other cameras, but I'll be a better photographer for having used the D1.

[1] Or woman.

Sunday, 2nd September, 2012

Short review of the PowerSmart battery for the Nikon D1. It works better than Nikon's own batteries ever did!

Thursday, 30th August, 2012

A review of Darktable on Linux!

Sunday, 26th August, 2012

New article: the Nikon D1, Nikon's most important camera of the 1990s.

Saturday, 25th August, 2012

Oh hello!


Taken with the 2.7 megapixel Nikon D1 from 1999.

My D1 article is still in the works; I'm mostly waiting for this bug in Darktable to be fixed. Darktable is great, but it seems to have issues dealing with the embedded thumbnails in the D1's NEFs. (A full review of that is coming too; I'd rather that bug get fixed first so I have something good to say on that count.)

In the meantime, my buddy Viktor Fejes now has a real website. You should probably go check him out. (It's mostly in Hungarian, but who cares, the photographs are not.)

Sunday, 12th August, 2012

New in the gallery: Tiny teddy goes to the Norfolk Arena.

Saturday, 11th August 2012: Oh baby

BMW E28 drift

Shot taken with a Nikon D1. That's a 2.7 megapixel Nikon D1 from 1999, kids. Of course a full review is coming. In the meantime, here is a guy that I really like talking about the D1.

Sunday, 29th July, 2012

A new article on one of the best cameras ever made: the Olympus Trip 35!

Thursday, 26th July, 2012

You could have missed this; a few weeks back I added a few pictures of motorsports onto my page about the Nissin 360 TW flash gun. It's not a collector's toy like the rest of my old junk; it's an unbelievably powerful flash that you can buy for less than £20 today. If you have a small budget and know how to use a manual flash, it's as good as bargains get!

Saturday, 7th July, 2012

So you know I was saying about crappy old cameras? Check it out kids:

Nikon D1
(Modelled by the Caidoz.)

And yes, I am nuts enough to try and use this for actual photography. Stay tuned!

(Thanks to Sam Lee for sending me this!)

Friday, 6th July, 2012

I'm late to the party here, but if you want to see a head-to-head comparison of 2001's Canon EOS D30 (less than £100 used) versus an EOS 1D Mark IV (£3,500), have a look at this post by David Jackson. At sensible enlargements and low ISOs there is no clear winner!

Of course newer is better, but Jackson shows it's not that much better in the hands of a skilled photographer like him (rather than a guy with a website like me), so if you have less than £100 to spend on a camera then don't let anyone deter you from picking one up. Haters gonna hate.

On the subject of old crappy cameras: Stay tuned, things are about to get really fun.

Tuesday, 3rd July, 2012

Sherman

Rest in peace, Sherman.

1998-2012

Saturday, 23rd June, 2012

New in the gallery: this and this.

These are actually old shots, reprocessed, with which I was testing Darktable. It works on Linux and it's so good that it might have finally converted me to shooting raw for everything important. Note that the latter shot was taken with a Canon EOS D30 (not even a 30D) and the former was with my dead D2H; it really does work wonderfully, even with files from very old and crappy cameras. Review coming once I do some serious stuff with it, but it definitely has my seal of approval.

Thursday, 24th May, 2012

My Praktica screw problem is now resolved; Gary White sent me several Praktica bodies, among other things, one of which will be a screw donor. Thanks, Gary!

Monday, 21st May, 2012

Lytro quietly downgraded their specifications for their gimmick camera: while $399 used to get you 16gb of storage and $499 would get you 32gb, it's now 8gb and 16gb. You now pay $100 for 8gb of solid state storage, rather than 16!

Saturday, 12th May, 2012

Rest in peace: the Nikon D2H, died on shutter actuation #400,195.

Wednesday, 18th April, 2012

Long overdue for an update: my page on my ancient Nikon D2H has been expanded greatly. Enjoy!

Monday, 16th April, 2012: A plea

SCREW PROBLEM SOLVED. Gary White was kind enough to send me an assortment of Praktica bodies, one of which is not functional and contains a replacement screw for my Praktica MTL3. A huge thanks to Gary. My original plea for help was below.

The Praktica MTL3 is back!

The friend I lent it to in the United States had problems with light leaking into it since she got it. Strange. I figured it might have suffered some terrible damage during shipping. She sent it back to me, and it turns out that a baseplate screw either fell out or was removed, somewhere between me and aforementioned friend.

So here's the problem: I need one of these screws. I'm hesitant to kill a working or could-work-with-some-TLC Praktica in order to get one. Unfortunately, the screw in question does not seem to match any metric or BA thread size. I've measured it with a digital vernier gauge and the diameter of the thread is 1.34mm (metric sizes are either 1.2 or 1.4mm, 12BA is 1.3mm). The head is a dome head measuring 3.15mm across, and the screw is 3.44mm long overall (about 3mm of which is the actual thread -- this was much harder to measure).

Is this some other thread system, or is 0.04mm within the manufacturing tolerances of a 12BA screw? I'm hoping there are some model engineers or other smart people out there who can help me with this. If you know one, pass it on!

By the way, since the MTL3 is back, I figured you should all have a human-readable howto on using it because the manual is awful. I wrote that and it's over here on wikiHow. You can spot the missing screw if you look hard enough!

Saturday, 24th March, 2012

Land Rover wheel compatibility! We've learned a lot of lessons the hard way so you don't have to. :)

Friday, 23rd March, 2012

Hello folks, it's been a while again. Don't worry, it's not about to turn into a website that apologises for not updating enough. Those of you that don't know me all that well (and honestly, I'm surprised at how many hits my silly website gets, so I'm sure that the vast majority of you don't!) might not know that I actually get up to a bunch of things in other places. Here's some things I've been up to:

By the way, I hang around in #wikihow on Freenode, for those of you that use IRC. Feel free to stop by for a natter; I'm lc2 (that's lower-case LC2, if it's not clear in your font).

Wednesday, 7th March, 2012

New in the gallery: Japanese Perfection and Road, Tottenhill Row. On the latter count: film is always perfect, even when it expired 7 years ago!

I've been away in the wilderness for a bit (which is to say, working up in Lincolnshire), but while I was there, I received a lovely fan mail which apologised for emailing me with questions. This has happened before, too. Hey guys, I love receiving fan mail, that's why I have my email address at the bottom of every page on my site, so don't apologise. Unlike most photography websites, mine has no ads and so this actually costs me money to run. I'd keep doing this if I didn't get nice mail from my readers nearly every day, but it sure does motivate me.

Friday 24th February, 2012

In the gallery: Maria. Another one on the instructional/self-critical side.

Wednesday 22nd February, 2012

Alan of the East Anglian Railway Archive kindly gave me permission to use a very rare photograph of a DMU at South Lynn on my page on remnants of railways in South Lynn. Here it is, thanks Alan!

Wait, did you think this site was still about my photography and cameras and not trains? Don't worry, I finally finished off the roll of expired-in-2005 Agfa Optima in my Kiev 88. I'll get it back in a few days!

Wednesday 15th February, 2012

The Nissin 360 TW, a cheap semi-automatic flash from the 1980s.

Friday 3rd February, 2012

You are not a photographer, either, you just run "youarenotaphotographer.com".

Wednesday 1st February, 2012

A table of 35mm-equivalent focal lengths for the Kiev 88.

Nobody is as awesome as this guy I found today who takes photographs using actual wet plates.

Tuesday 31st January, 2012

New in the gallery: Toyota Celica GT-Four and Symmetry.

Friday 27th January, 2012

Here's an article punching Lytro in the face.

Actual photography is coming; I'm slowly burning through a roll of expired ASA 200 Agfa Optima film in my Kiev 88. Woohoo!

Thursday 22nd December, 2011

I have an article on railway bridges in South Lynn. No great photography there, just a little bit of history.

Monday 5th December, 2011

There's a new mega-review of the camera of the Samsung Galaxy S II, the finest Android phone of 2011 that also has a camera that is much better than I expected from a camera phone!

Saturday 5th November, 2011

In the gallery: Tiny teddy sits under a tree and Tiny teddy on the rocks. Lewis Collard, teddy bear photographer. There's also this one, which is more on the instructional/informational side. :)

Happy religious-terrorists-trying-to-blow-up-a-democratic-assembly day!

Tuesday 25th October, 2011

A new article: the Nikon Series E 70-210mm f/4. Also, Cow, abstract in the gallery.

Monday 24th October, 2011

New in the gallery: Bridge, one I've been hesitating to show anyone else.

Thursday 20th October, 2011

New in the gallery: Tiny teddy watches the sun rise.

Good news: everything in the gallery is now available in much higher resolution (50% bigger in some cases). Better news: I've done that while keeping the file sizes reasonable, so it should still load quickly. Hooray!

Monday 3rd October, 2011

Three new articles in a new miscellaneous section: the Arctic Freezer Pro 7 Rev 2, HP LaserJet 4000 on Ubuntu (short version: use the hpijs driver), and increasing contrast with GIMP.